Living for the living

I was thinking of Joash just now and the more I do, the more I felt restless.
I never knew that losing someone close would pain a person for so long. It seems like the pain could never reduce, it has only been attacking less frequently.
Then I looked onto God in prayer. Praying to get an answer or just a bit of peace to calm down.

This is what God told me: "Do not think of those that had passed away. Instead, think of those that are still living."

So true are God's answer when one earnestly seeks Him. I pray that I WILL be able to live for the living.. Amen.

Glorious Day (Living He loved me) - Casting Crowns

verse 1:
One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

chorus:
Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

verse 2:
One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

verse 3:
One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

bridge:
One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

A wonderful song of how our Saviour came and rose again, bringing us a chance to be apart of the Glorious Day, when He returns again.
By living, He showed how He loved us
By deciding to die, He washed us clean and gave us new lives
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Then He came back alive, proving that we will live with Him forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day..

My life in hostel

My hostel is located behind Assunta Hospital and I'm on the 9th floor.

A view from my level: evening sun

Hostel cat; a distraction from the stress of studies ^^

I was supposed to be studying ;p

My classroom:

My hostel under the moonlight

my room is on d highest floor, 2nd from right

Always Enough - Casting Crowns

In the dry and weary land
Lord, You are the rain
In the sea of shattered ones
Your love comes rushing in

You hold the world within Your hands
and see each tears that falls
Through every fire and every storm
You're always enough, always enough

Your love is peace to the broken
Faith for the widow
Hope for the orphan
Strength for the weak

Your love is the anthem of nations
Rings out through the ages
And You're always enough for me

You keep my heart in perfect peace
My life is in Your hands
When confusion hides my way
You're always enough, always enough

Your love is peace to the broken
Faith for the widow
Hope for the orphan
Strength for the weak

Your love is the anthem of nations
Rings out through the ages
And You're always enough

I rejoice for my Savior reigns
I rejoice that He lives in me
God on high, He has set me free
Worthy is the Lord

I rejoice for my Savior reigns
I rejoice that He lives in me
God on high, He has set me free

Worthy is the Lord

In the dry and weary land
Lord, You are the rain...

"You will be my strength through the ages, O Lord. I find peace in You. You are always enough. I'm so grateful to have You knowing me.." :)

remember that I cared

I don't understand what am I feeling right now..

Is it stress from my exam?
The piling procedures?
Misunderstanding between my friends?
The death of a friend?
Lack of sleep?
or..
An unrequited love?

I feel like a bird being caught by a barbed fence. As I struggle in attempts to escape, I find myself getting more tangled up within the fence. The sharp ended barbs piercing and injuring me mercilessly. I cry out for help but I find my friends caught in their own barbed fence. There's just no one there to save me.

As I lay trapped, left with so little strength that I can hardly breathe. I realize the main reason that I caught myself in this fence.

Memories of him just keep flooding my mind. I knew I was never good enough for him but I never thought to lose him in this way; to know that he loves another in this sort of manner..

I love you, I really did. I blame myself for not being initiative enough to approach you the time I realized my feelings for you. Instead of encouraging you to fall for me, I drew myself away from you. Deep down in my heart, I selfishly think that you belong to me. Naive, I was so naive.

I had never met a guy like you, never had I experience so much care and attention (perhaps?) from such a gentleman. I'll smile whenever I recall the time we went out, the time we spent together. You really took care of me. For the first time, someone actually looked back and search for me when I'm lost in a crowd. Then you stayed so closed to me as if afraid that I'll get lost in the crowd again.

But you are someone else's man now. I'll just have to accept the fact.

The fact that I'd lose you forever. No matter how much my heart regrets and cry, you'll never be by my side ever again.

Goodbye, God bless and remember that I cared...

Last tribute to Joash Wee

Thanks to Dan Loo, I was able to go down to Muar to attend Joash's wake service last evening.

Having my hometown being Batu Pahat, Muar is a familiar place to me. I'd been wanting to return since the last time I was there during CNY. I'd never imagine myself returning in this manner, under such circumstances.

Anyway, I am really glad that I'm able to go on this trip with Dan n Nick, which are (sort of) my childhood friends from church. I can't imagine myself going on this trip alone. Oh, and I thank God for making all these possible and granting us journey mercy.

Much to Dan's denial, I helped in getting us into Muar.

Finding the church was not easy but we managed. Thank God I can read mandarin, which those 2 guys couldn't.

The service starts at 8pm. We got there at 7.30 so there was time to kill. So, we went to pay our respect to the 5 family members.

We entered that specially set up room. 5 caskets were arrange in a semi circle.

I went ahead with the 2 guys behind me. It's harder for them as the guys had always been closer to Joash.
1st was Mdm Lim, she looks beautiful.
Followed by Mr Roland, who I understand to be a great leader and mighty man of God.

As much as I wanted to approach the next casket the moment I stepped into this room, my feet refuses to go any further. So near yet I couldn't bear to take those few steps...
Joash's picture stood at a table beside the casket, he was smiling so brightly.

I paused for about a second. I just didn't want to get too much attention on myself so I carried my heavy feet and stood by where Joash was.
I stared at the wooden framework without looking in. After slowly placing a carnation on top the casket, I turn towards the head of this wooden box.

There he was, lying so peacefully. The first thing that caught my eyes were Joash's makeup. It was really thick and it's not his natural colour. Then I saw skin grafts covering most part of his face. It must have been to cover up his wounds. He must have been really badly wounded.
I continue to look on his face, his thick eyebrows (Wai Chi said they looks like Crayon Shin Chan's) stood out. His face was nicely shaved. His thick lips.

I could spot a faint smile on his face. How I wished just to be able to see him smile again..

Tears began to invade my eyes. It took some effort but I fought them back because I know very well that Joash is very much alive. And most of all, he won't be able to enjoy Heaven with all of us crying..

My heart whispered 'I miss you Joash' and then together with the guys, I left the room.

As sad as I cannot imagine, Dan created this smiley face..

After the service, we visited Joash one last time. I passed by Joash's dad and in my heart I thank him for Joash being a part of my life.
I was much stable than I thought when I reached Joash. He definately looked as if he's smiling slightly. Instead of wanting to cry, I actually wanted to take his picture and save it so that I can show Joash when I meet him in Heaven once again. I can sort of imagine him making a funny face when he sees what the undertakers did to his face :)

Side-track:

my 20th birthday present from Joash and Eliza.
it looks worn out now cos I wear it a lot.

Joash with the 2 birthday girls of 2008
(I celebrated my birthday together with Wai Chi)

the last time I saw Joash during the YES alumni reunion of YES'10 in Jan

My last photoshot with him..

"Joash, I hope this will be the last post dedicated for you. I know I'll have to move on but I'll keep the memories we had for the rest of my life. But then again, this doesn't mean I will break my promise to whack you double hard when I meet you again! ;)"

We are inspired by you, Joash ;)

to my fellow YES-ians of 2008:
"As we had always said tat we are a special group. We really are. Bonded in spirit n hand-chosen by Christ. Wit only 1 Joash, it wasn't enough to impact this world. But by d death of Jo, so many more Joash-to-be were inspired. Let's impact d world, YES-ians! In memories of Joash!"

I'm slowly able to let Joash go.. Compared to the 1st day I got the news, I'm much better. Of course, I still wish this is all a joke and Joash would just pop up from behind us and give his infamous smirk once again...

But what's past is passed. I will live up to what I promised God today, that is to live a live like Joash did and finish what Joash had intended to do for the world when he was around.

Joash's fire for God will continue to burn within us the YES-ians! Amen.