A great guy: Joash Wee

In memories of Joash Wee

17.6.10
Waking up from my nap at 5.20pm, I switched on my laptop while waiting for dinner time. Firefox window pop up and my facebook homepage appeared. Browsing through my homepage, I saw that Joash was tagged in a video, it says "This song is specially for Joash and his family who passed away this morning. Our deepest condolences to your family....."

Shocked, unbelief and questions crawled up and wrapped around me.
It can't be, it's only his family that passed, right? Joash's still alive, right? These were my thoughts.

Trying to confirm my doubts, I clicked into Joash's facebook profile. Trying my best to convince myself that Joash is not gone.

Clicking down his profile, all that flashes pass my eyes where messages like "Rest in peace... joash" and "joash....we will miss u..rest in peace~~". I quickly screen through all the messages, trying to find a sign that this is not true.

In vain, all was in vain. I gave in. Joash and his family died in a car crash about 8am in the morning... I continue scrolling down the page, tears starts to swim but I'm determine to find out more on what had happened. Finally, I lost control and broke down...

I cried and cried. My room-mates stayed by me but the tears just won't stop. My heart tore and screamed that this can't be true. Not when we hadn't meet in a while, not anytime so soon!

2 hours passed and I fought back my tears as I didn't want my room-mates to worry. Yet, my heart continued to cry and cry.

Later, my friends here found out and we cried together. It didn't last long as I did not want to sympathy. I want Joash alive again. Trying my best to not break down, I distracted myself with practical practices. Each laugther I made did not reached my heart. I felt as if my heart went together with Joash. I hold back my tears, there're just too many people around.

Bedtime finally came, I climbed up to bed at 12mn. Telling myself to calm down and take my much needed sleep, I closed my eyes. Tears just rolled down my cheek unconciously.

Unable to take those tears, I tried to fight it and went to wash my face. I wanna run away, just run to a place where I can scream and shout out how I missed him, how I wished that he's still around. But there's no where to run to, so I stood by the window and whispered everything I wished to tell Joash.

Another hour passed, I could finally get some sleep...

Praise Him!

Stucked in this deep pit, dark and lonely.. I cried out to God hoping for a way out.

I waited and waited.. Hanging onto the last bits of strength that I have.

Just when I thought that I'll have to struggle out of this pit with or WITHOUT God's help. He came to me, the bits of strength that He gave me turned and grew into an unimaginable power.

I found myself praising Him and being so grateful to Him..

Jesus knows

Last week was a great week where God lead me through as if He was by my side. I praise Him for that, really.

This week on the other hand, is really a week of stress and depression whereby my standing with God is really put into the test.

I wonder, Lord. What is it that I can possibly get from this survival type of testing? Am I that strong that I can pull through all these? I'm so pressed down that I can hardly breathe.

Today I cried out to You again and again. My heart tore and crumbled by the pressure that I am facing. My mind keeps repeating: 'I want more of You, God. Help me!'

At the midst of all I'm in now, my ears hears this faint wispers from You: "It's not about you but it's about Me, the Lord of all, Creator of the Heavens and earth, the ruler of Kingdoms & the Prince of Peace."

God will carry me through

Feeling like a trash... Like a piece of tissue being thrown away after 1 use.

I don't mind doing favours for people once in a while but college is really putting too much pressure on me.

I can handle pressure but this is too much for me. It's just not me to face all these in one go.

People turn to me (sometimes) for help but when I look around, I find myself alone. There's just no physical being by my side that will help me through my situation.

I can only turn to God but I really wish for a friend, just one true friend that will be there for me; whom I can rely on.

blank

I'm 22 yrs old this year. Starting to feel so old. Seeing people around me getting hooked and tying the knot really makes me feel "left-out".

I want to experience the feeling of being secure, being able to be cared for. I'm so tired of caring for others, putting up to everything that comes my way, swallowing everything on my own.

I want to have a relationship where I can be that important person to that someone who will be my important person.

But all in all, my God had sustained me and carried my burdens all these years. I'm surviving but am still praying... ;)

Overworked

We'd been working for almost 11 weeks and we have another week to go until we are officially on block for studies.

My friends are falling sick, some continued working while most have gotten MCs. There are few that got admitted..

Yup, I got my 1st MC as well. But that was a week ago due to URTI. Been coughing pretty badly back then.

I went to visit 2 of my friends that were admitted yesterday. I can't helped but assume that we'd really been overworked.

Need some time out!! >.<

Sigh... Work's been testing my patience greatly lately... Getting blasted from both superiors and peers. That's what I get for being the most junior working in the ward right? I hate this new ward.

Am I too submissive that I get blasted all the time?

I told my friends my stories. One of them (who is working with me) finally believed when she saw it happening in front of her. She didn't believe me 100% at first because she can't believe that a person can be bombed so many times in a week. Instead of feeling sorry for me, she find my situation entertaining.

*smile* Ya, it was quite funny that out of everyone there, I am the one being at the right time and right place when the blasting happens.

A test to improve my patience? Maybe to build up my response towards an unfriendly person?

Everyday I'm suffering. Wanna cry but I guess I'm feeling more anger than sorrow in my heart. Gotta cheer up asap or else.. Hmmm, wonder what will happen??

Should go out party and enjoy some time out from work soon... Hehe...